


Best Phone Sex Ever

by rivers_bend



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Hotels, M/M, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-12
Updated: 2011-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 07:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivers_bend/pseuds/rivers_bend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> It's 2:41 am in… Damn. Chris doesn't even know what city he's in anymore. He can hear Karl shifting in the room's other bed, and he wonders how the hell he got here.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Phone Sex Ever

**Author's Note:**

> What the actors named here get up to in their free time is up to them. This is all fiction.

Chris Pine is flat on his back in a queen-sized bed with a too-heavy quilt pulled up to his chin. It's 2:41 am in… Damn. Chris doesn't even know what city he's in anymore. He can hear Karl shifting in the room's other bed, and he wonders how the hell he got here.

There was a delayed flight, a misunderstanding, a very large and very important conference, some raised voices, and several fruitless phone calls, all of which resulted in there being three hotel rooms for the cast of one of the summer's most anticipated (or at least most advertised) blockbusters instead of the required six.

When it became clear that there was nothing to be done about it tonight, John and Anton looked at each other, shrugged tiredly, grabbed one of the sets of keys, and wandered towards the elevators without another word. Chris looked at Zach, struggling to keep the smile off his face—they wouldn't have to sneak into each other's rooms tonight, at least—but Zoë was too quick and too damn observant.

"I don't think so, Pine. He's mine," she said, grabbing the second set of keys on the desk in front of them in one hand, and Zach's arm in the other. "I'm not sharing a room with that Kiwi. I've heard what those Lord of the Rings boys got up to after hours." She winked broadly at Karl, but didn't loosen her grip on Zach.

"Guess it's you and me," Karl grumbled in Chris's direction. "You'd better not snore."

"I am _Captain_ of the starship _Enterprise_ ," Chris retorted. "I shouldn't have to put up with any of you bastards."

On her way past Chris towards the elevators, Zoë shot him a look over her shoulder that was pure Uhura. Chris gave in to the inevitable.

Now, upstairs and unable to sleep, Chris wonders if she knows she's cockblocking him. Wonders if Zach has told her. Though she's a smart woman. She could have just figured it out. Damn her. She's lucky she's so awesome, really, or it would be really easy to hate her.

Maybe. Okay, probably not, but still. Cockblocking. Not. Cool. He should write her a memo. Unless she doesn't know. He has no intention of being the one to tell her.

Karl makes a soft snuffling sound and rolls over. He does not magically become Zach. He does not offer to suck Chris off, nor does he offer to fuck Chris so hard he can't see. He's not all that likely to, either. Chris's life totally blows. Or, you know, there's no blowing to be had at all.

Damn her. Zoë probably knows.

Deciding sulking isn't going to get him anywhere, Chris turns on his side and closes his eyes. Only to hear a phone ringing from—the bathroom? With a glance at Karl, who doesn't so much as flinch, Chris hurries across the room toward the sound of the phone. Yep, definitely the bathroom. Odd. Not wanting to wake his roommate, Chris shuts the door and then turns on the light. And answers the phone, which is totally inexplicably on the wall next to the toilet.

"Hello?" It's three in the morning, and he means to sound pissed about that, but he sounds curious too. He can hear it in his own voice.

"What are you wearing?" comes a husky whisper through the receiver.

"Zach?" Because if it's not fucking Zach, this hotel is _so_ getting a nasty letter.

"You better be wearing something," the voice continues, richer now with suppressed laughter.

"Zach, what the hell are you doing calling my _bathroom_ in the middle of the night?"

"Couldn't sleep." Zach is still speaking quietly, but in his normal voice now. "Missed you. Besides, phone in the bathroom. Who could resist?"

"Anyone normal," Chris mutters, maybe not quite as under his breath as it might have been, and then, "There have been amazing advances in phone technology in the last decade. Tiny phones you can keep in your pocket. Inconceivable, I know, but it's true."

"Yes. But right now, your cell is in _my_ jacket pocket. In my room. Consequently, this seemed the most expedient way to get to speak to you."

 _Consequently, expedient._ Zach is positively multisyllabic for this time of night. "Inconceivable" must sound like a gauntlet at three in the morning. Were Chris less tired and irritable, he might let Zach get back to his sartorial curiosity, but instead he sits down on the closed lid of the toilet and asks, "What if you'd woken Karl?"

"Urban doesn't believe in hotel phones. He believes in alarm clocks. First thing he does when he gets into a room is turn down the ringer."

"Do I want to know how you know that?"

"Is that you sounding jealous?" Zach has a grin on his face. Chris can _hear_ it.

"What if you'd woken _me_ up?"

"Then I would have gotten to hear the details of your night-time wardrobe in your sexy sleep voice. Alas, you were clearly awake."

"I'm wearing a white t-shirt and white boxers." Zach doesn't approve of white boxers. Chris wears them to taunt him.

"You are such an old man," Zach says.

" _I'm_ an old man? I bet you're wearing those blue pajamas."

"Only because I didn't want to scar the lovely Ms. Saldana with my skinny ass." Zach sounds affronted in the extreme.

"Uh huh. If that were true, how is it that I know about them? You've never bothered to try to avoid scarring _me_."

Zach makes a noise that could be a cough or maybe a sneeze, except that Chris knows it's a stifled laugh. "This is the worst phone sex I've ever had," Zach says. "Just thought you should know."

"Oh, this is phone sex? I thought it was harassment."

"When I choose to harass you, Christopher, believe me, you will know."

Chris would never in a million years admit as much to Zach, but he just might have a little _thing_ for Zach calling him 'Christopher'. "Is that a threat or a promise?" he asks, in the phone-sex voice Zach had used to ask what Chris was wearing.

"Are we in fifth grade? Lame, Christopher."

Chris wonders if maybe it won't be required to admit to Zach he likes the Christopher thing. Which reminds him about Zoë and her cockblocking. "Does Zoë know she's a total cockblock, by the way?"

"Are you asking if she knows you and I are— partaking of one another's boy bits?"

"Boy bits? Really?" Zach never ceases to surprise Chris with some of the things he comes out with.

"Shut up. It's the middle of the night. Besides, it's better than 'pork sword.' Don't think I didn't hear you and John yesterday."

"Whatever. Yes. Does she know you and I are humping like rabbits every chance we get." Chris bets she knows.

"Well, she did tell me I wasn't to run off to meet you in a broom closet while she was sleeping, so I'm guessing, yes."

"Bitch. I knew she knew. I thought she liked you. Don't friends want their friends to get laid?"

"She's your friend too, maybe she thought your ass needed a night off." Zach chuckles quietly in the self-deprecating way Chris doesn't get to hear that often. "To be honest, I'm so tired I might have just fallen asleep on you tonight anyway."

"And yet," Chris says, "I'm sitting here on a toilet instead of lying in my bed."

"Yeah, well."

Zach won't say that it's easier for him to sleep when Chris is there with him and Chris won't say the same is true for him. They both let the silence speak for a moment though.

And then Chris breaks it. "Don't know where you got a reputation as a sarcastic guy. You're a sappy bastard, really."

"Takes one to know one." Zach yawns hugely, almost swallowing the end of his sentence.

"Now who's in fifth grade?" Chris yawns too; they're catching even over the phone. Plus, he really is exhausted.

"Shut up. Go to sleep."

"Yeah. You too." Chris waits for the click of the phone then hangs up. The stupid thing is, he thinks, as he picks his way through the dark room back to his bed, that was pretty much the _best_ phone sex he's ever had.


End file.
